Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
