I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize