it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
