i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
My bed is full of blood and feathers
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
