you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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