I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
