my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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