I think I died a long time ago.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
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