fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
