I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
