He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
