Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize