rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
whose parrot is this?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
