break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
