Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
so let's talk penis.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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