Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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