Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
