he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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