I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
