You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
