Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
