You just made me feel so damn special
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
