I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
