i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
