someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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