dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
