Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize