He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
