Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize