So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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