I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
