So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Randomize
