It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
There are leaves in my underwear?
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