If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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