Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
