everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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