So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
