Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
