we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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