It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
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