She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Just puked most of my soul out..
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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