Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
