Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
