i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
