Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
