Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
