I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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