i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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