Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
