can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
