P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Ketchup is God's man juice
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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