the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
