So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
