he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
