I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize