Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
