she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
