for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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