Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
