I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
