I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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