I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
