Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
