How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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