We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
