well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
