I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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