One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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