Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize