the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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