so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
