i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
