life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Randomize
