The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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