So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
