if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
