Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
