Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
