Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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