She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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