Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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