well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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