I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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