found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
