I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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