It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
