I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
