One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I could make wine with my vomit
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
