You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
