forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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