Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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